A: Choosing a divorce mediator is perhaps the most important decision that a divorcing couple has to make. But how are you going to make that decision? Divorce mediators are very different. They do not even come from the same professions. Some are lawyers, some are mental health professionals, and some are neither. Nor do they have a license from the state attesting to the fact that they have completed
a certain course of study. There is not even a test that they must take or pass in order to become a divorce mediator. Worse, while many mediators will display certificates on their wall, those certificates really evidence nothing more than the fact that they have paid for, and completed, a very short course on the subject. How then should you chose a divorce mediator? There are a number of things that you should consider.

• What is the professional background of the mediator in question that qualifies him or her? What is the quality of their education and previous experience? How long have they been engaged in the practice of divorce mediation? How many cases have they handled? Was their previous professional experience related to their present work? If a lawyer, was his or her previous experience in the area of family law or, instead, in real estate law? If a mental health professional, was his or her previous experience working with married couples or, instead, as a substance abuse counselor?

• Is the person engaged in the practice of divorce mediation on a full time or part time basis? In other words, is divorce mediation something that he (or she) does "on the side" or is it his principal vocation? (This is relatively easy to determine. Simply look at the sign on the mediator's door.)

• What services does the mediator provide? Divorce mediation consists of three things: helping a couple conclude an agreement; preparing their agreement and seeing to its execution; and, finally, getting them a divorce. Most mediators do not and can not help a couple do all three of these things, however. That can substantially increase the time and the cost to complete the process.

• What is the divorce mediator's reputation in the community? Reputation is very important. It tells you how the community judges and rates a professional. How can you determine this? It is relatively easy. Just make a few telephone calls to mental health professionals or attorneys in the area and ask them who they would recommend. You will find that certain names keep coming up over and over again. That is called reputation, and it is very important.

• Finally, how comfortable do you feel with the mediator? Do you feel that he (or she) is intelligent and knowledgeable, and conducts himself in a professional manner? Do you feel comfortable and secure in his presence? Does he strike you as a caring person? Does he instill confidence in you? This, too, is easy to determine. Just sit and talk with two or three divorce mediators before you make your
decision. You must be careful here, however. Divorce mediator's use very different procedures. For example, some meet with the two of you separately while others will only meet with you together. Some insist that you must each retain separate lawyers while others do not. They may even give you very persuasive reasons to justify their procedures. It is really not possible for you to judge which of those procedures is correct, and you would be wasting your time were you to try. It is simply too complicated. Nevertheless, though you are not qualified to "judge" two mediator's, you are qualified to compare them - compare how you "feel" about them. Go by your feelings. They are usually right.

Without question, there will be another consideration in your mind, as well. That is cost. Money is important, particularly now that you are separating. Nevertheless, you must be careful. Divorce mediation is not like filling up your car with gas - one attendant can do it as well as another. It takes a great deal of knowledge, skill and experience. Unlike gas station attendant's, however, divorce mediators are not all the same. Rather, their ability varies tremendously. So don't be fooled into thinking that it doesn't make any difference who you use. It does. Just as you would want the best divorce lawyer to represent you were you to turn to adversarial legal proceedings, you want the best divorce mediator to assist you if you turn to mediation. Don't make the mistake of being penny wise and pound foolish. It will only cost you later.